1 Plunger: I’d rather use the back alley. Usually a 1-Plunger entails a toilet that’s unusable or is in the middle of the dance floor or something.
2 Plungers: I’d seriously try to remember if there is a more user-friendly venue in the vicinity, secretly duck out of the current hell on earth I’m at, and stealthily do my thing.
3 Plungers: Provides the most basic requirements, barely meets cleanliness requriemtns, but is free of those added “extras” that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
4 Plungers: Cleanliness is the paramount of a 4-plunger. All amenities are in working order, and there might even be music or flowers involved.
5 Plungers. I’m moving in. The bathroom is more appealing than the restaurant or bar itself. I could, literally, live here.If you've ever wondered "How does Krahpper do it? How does L.M. objectively, and accurately, rate the endless restrooms graced by Krahpper's presence?"
Well friends, I use a highly scientific and unbiased rating system I have developed throughout the years. Each time I grace a John with my majestic presence, I whip out my Crapper Notebook and assess the following:
PLUNGER RATING SYSTEM: (Each category can earn up to one plunger)
1) Cleanliness
Ample T.P.
Ample Paper towel
Ample hand soap
A sign demanding employees to wash their hands
No mysterious and filth ridden water circling the sinks
Ample trash cans that aren’t overflowing
Ample trash cans in stalls
No wetness/filth on floor
2) Convenience
Paper towels as opposed to hand drier
Automatic paper towel dispenser
Vending machines
Chairs
Separate mirror/counter for primping
Shelving in stall
Hook(s) in stall
3) Privacy (worth x2 points)
No giant gaps between stall doors, walls, etc.
No missing lock that results in a giant hole in the door
Floor-to-ceiling walls and doors
A family bathroom room nearby, to prevent unsupervised children from running amok
Music
Functioning/ secure lock
4) Ambiance
No neon lighting/Soft, warm lighting
Flowers/arrangements/art
Candles
Air freshener
Potpourri
Warm paint colors
Wallpaper
Intricate mirrors
Luxury hand soaps/lotions
5) EXTRA CREDITS/DEMERITS
A) Credits
Free toiletries/mouthwash
Linen/terry towels
Fountains
Child-free!
B) Demerits
Unneeded high-tech nonsense that complicates things (like frosted doors)
Unisex
Inadequate partition between men’s and women’s
Being able to easily see into the men’s and women’s from the dining room/bar
Bathroom is on stage
Bathroom attendant
Someone cleaning bathroom during business hours
Unsupervised children from running amok
